This is the title of great little book by Jeremy Holmes. In it he connects attachment theory to neuro-biology and trauma through a process he calls the ‘free energy principle’ borrowed from mathematical theory.
Hear me out. When it comes to difficulties with change, this theory has a lot to offer. If we think about how an infant has very little experiential data, Holmes says that the way we learn to navigate and cope with the world and all the new information coming our way is through the ‘borrowed brain’ of the primary caregiver. The infant ‘borrows’ the parent’s experience to make predictions about what to expect in any given circumstance, getting cues from the parent about what is ok, what is dangerous or scary and initially learns from the caregivers experience of the world.
With this dependency, you can begin to imagine how the parents own life experience fuels the response to their caregiver role. When the parent can’t cope – what is the infant learning about the world and what models is it creating about what being in the world means?
This is where the idea of free energy becomes helpful. Safety, security and predictable outcomes bind psychological energy. Whereas uncertainty, unpredictability and fear is generated by too much free energy. (We need free energy to be creative and explorative but the bound energy gives us the confidence and foundation on which to try new things) This relates to or helps explain how secure attachment works.
So how does this relate to change in later life? Well, if I find that some behaviour no longer serves me, like struggling to say ‘no’ for example. If my childhood experience of trying to hold a boundary resulted in a parental response that left me confused, or adrift, or excluded or some experience of un-safe free energy, the alarm in my body about that may pull me back into the familiar territory of compliance. Even though that has unintended consequences, the relative safety of the bound energy in the ‘known’ experience is calming. So the internal dynamic creates a reluctance for the new, in favour of the bound energy of the familiar.
What does this mean for our capacity for change? Well, if I can find a secure base, a good, safe friendship, or partner I can try out new behaviour in a supporting environment. The more I try a new thing and the expected calamity doesn’t occur, and if I am supported to manage the resulting anxiety, I can develop new behaviour and begin to make it familiar – thus binding up the free energy and creating safety through the co-regulation of the safe relationship, which then lowers anxiety levels.
Of course, sometimes the childhood experience of too much free energy can also mean it is hard to find that safe relationship. (Since we may be attracted to people that ‘speak to’ our childhood experience – but that is another blog!) This is where therapy comes in. A good therapist will help you feel safe. Give you a secure place to use as a springboard for testing new behaviour or ideas without judgment. The therapeutic relationship ought to act as a container for the free energy and you can ‘borrow’ the therapists brain and use co-regulation, to ‘bind’ the anxious energy and begin to create your own experience of safety that you then export into your life.
Further reading see: Jeremy Holmes, Deb Dana
Listening Loud 